Children.

If you really loved your children, you would set a bad example for them to rebel against.
Tell them how you dropped out of high school, how much fun it is to do drugs, leave cigarette butts all over and half empty cans of beer on the stove.
Talk loudly, use the word "Aint" and "Y'all" a lot, make sweeping generalizations.
Tell them you don't have a job, and are a "dancer".
Tell them "SKOOL AINT NEVER DONE NUFFINK FOR ME!!".
That way, they can rebel against you, get an education and a job, and thank you later.
When they are thirty or so I'd recommend telling them the truth.