January 3rd, 2011

how do you die in afghanistan?
first you think to yourself:
"I only have a couple of months to go,
then I can go home. I just have to survive."
Then, when you go out,
you look past the IED, because you
dont want to see it, because you dont want
it to be real
you just want it to be a quiet easy day that
goes by quickly
so when you see it,
you look past it
your eyes aren't drawn to it, they look
away, because its not what you want to see.
because you see what you want to see, not
what is real.
Then you die.
Because what is real is what is real
whether you want it to be true or not.
in the land of milk and IEDs.
every day is your last day. tomorrow you
will wake up in the hospital, surrounded
by nurses. this is your last mission. your
last patrol. you only have to pay attention
for a couple more hours, because this is the
one, not a hundred more, just this one
this is the only one that matters, because this
is the patrol with the IED this is the patrol
with the ambush, this is the patrol where they get
you.
that's how you live in AFghanistan.
every patrol is your last. every patrol is the only
one that matters, because this patrol is the one.
there is no "leave" no "vacation" there is no going home at the end
of the tour. There is no home, no end. This is it.
This patrol.
This is all there is.